My mind is tired
My eyes are dry
I thought tonight
About you
About us
I cried tonight
When I shed my skin
When the blood fell red
Down my arm
Down the drain
I thought tonight
I asked, what is this for
I cried tonight
What have I done .....

Hi there everyone. Long time no see.... or write. Anyways. Not a hell of a lot has been going on. Feeling a lil better lately. Not so down. Might be pregnant. Not so happy about that but things will work themselves out. Went back to Waupaca on Sunday. I forgot how beautiful it was there in the summer time. The city is great and all but where are all the stars? Thought I had more to say but now that I'm here I'm drawing a blank. Yay! I get to see an old friend of mine that I havent seen for ten years. Its gonna be strange. I remeber spending countless days and nights with her. Well I better get off to bed. Big day tomorrow, get to apply for state benefits. I'm nervous and embarrassed. But when you need help I guess you need help.

Everytime I look around
I see their leering faces
Their pointing fingers
And accusing looks
Everytime I listen
I hear their stiffled giggles
And the whispering behind their hands
Eyes shining and dancing
When they look my way
I get pushed and shoved around
Never in one place for more then a moment
Everytime I think "Maybe today someone will notice,"
My cries of anger
My tears of pain
I laugh, "Yeah, right"
The blood falls red
I see you standing there
Eyes wide with surprise
I wonder what you are thinking
As this is going on .....

A sea of nothingness surrounds me
As I leave me earthly bindings
My tears fall into the drain beside me
And the colours swirll around
How could I have known
That it could be like this
A thousand tiny needles peirce my body
And it feels so nice
The voices around me violate my thoughts
When I'm all alone-
Soon it will all end
Reality will slowly creep back in ....

Love is so difficult. To bad we werent all mind readers, then we wouldnt have to say the things were afraid to.

Here I am once again
Alone in a dimly lit room
Staring into the barrel
In a daze of chaotic confusion
Here I am once again
Alone with my thoughts
Wishing it all over
All the people keep pushing
And I stumble closer to the edge
I fall again
All the words stabing me in the back
All the pain seeping out
I run to the edge and watch the rocks crumble and fall below me
My mind is spinning
Everything turns to black and white
Slowly fading to grey then back to reality
So I find myself here, once agian
Staring down the barrel
Wanting it all to end .....

Dear Best Friend
I'm falling apart
I need you to help me
Where do I start

Dear Best Friend
Where did you go
I called you three times
Is there something that I should know

Dear Best Friend
I cant do this alone
Please come back to me
Your all I've ever known

Dear Friend
I cant do it anymore
The pain is getting to me
Bringing me to the floor

To whom it may concern
This is the last letter I will send
The Angels here to take me
Its finally coming to an end .....

I cant take living in my head anymore. Its driving me fucking nuts. I cant think straight thoughts. Not fun at all. I feel llike a horrible girlfriend and I havent even done anything wrong. Besides being upset over everything and keeping it to myself. It's seems that when I talk the words come out all wrong and it causes more problems then not saying anything. Idk. Maybe I'm hoping for something thats not there or that I dont deserve anyways. But whatever.