Torn between love and anger
She runs and hides
Scared and alone
She used to feel safe at home
(If any place)
They wonder why
She doesnt return
To her past
To her fate
Its all she has
(Isnt that right)
She becomes someone else
Forgetting herself
All alone again
She is lost
In a world of unknown .....

Hi hi again. Not so scatter minded today. Well whats left of the day at least. Yay got a job. Was begaining to think that no one wanted to hire me. Its funny, I've worked all my life and never had a job interview. Talk about being nervous. 24 years old and I had my first interview today. It went well... well enough that I got the job atleast. Every other job I've had has been basically handed to me. Lucky me huh? Anyways, I wish Josh would hurry up and get home. I didnt get to see him all day and now the days almost over. Yay I finally won a game of Skip-bo against him. One out of six. Pat myself on the back for that one. Its so quiet around her with out my little one. Only been one day and I already miss her. I cant wait til school starts. I've got my oldest reading to me again. They say during summer kids lose up to four months of learning. I hope thats not the case. She's very bright and I want to keep her that way. I hope first grade goes better for her then kindergarten. She got so bored with her homework. They'd send home the same kind of thing every day for her to do, it was boring for her. I easily understood why she didnt like doing it. You can only write to one hundred so many times. She was already doing that in preschool. Not bragging....only a lil, I mean really, what kinda parent are you if you dont brag about your kids. I think he's home... gotta go suck up the love while I can, see ya!

Hi everyone, how are you all? I'm ok. Up and down is the best way to describe it. Not pregnant. Good and not good. Things are going alright with Josh and I, ups and downs there too. I dont know, I try so hard to show him how happy I am with him and it seems like all I do is piss him off. I was so happy when he told me that he loved me and now he never says it. I say it to him just to hear him say it but then it feels like I'm forcing him to say it. I know he does, atleast I think I know he does but its hard to tell these kinds of things for sure. I woke up at like two-three in the morning with another one of those pounding headaches I've been getting time to time. Its on the side of my head and they last forever. Doesnt help that my kids are being little devils again. What to do what to do? I wish time would go faster and he would come home and for once not fight. I keep having childhood dreams again, not the good ones either. My dads always in them, not fun. Maybe thats why I woke up with a headache. I think Josh might have woken me up last night to, asking if I was ok. Maybe that was just a dream too. I just got that song in my head... That was just a dream, just a dream. Thats me in the corner, thats me in the spot light losing my religion.... I dont remember who does it but its a good song. Anyways not to much has been going on. My youngest is going to her dads tonight til sunday, I'm gonna miss her but its a nice break..... a well needed one. I should go check on them now. C-ya!

My mind is tired
My eyes are dry
I thought tonight
About you
About us
I cried tonight
When I shed my skin
When the blood fell red
Down my arm
Down the drain
I thought tonight
I asked, what is this for
I cried tonight
What have I done .....

Hi there everyone. Long time no see.... or write. Anyways. Not a hell of a lot has been going on. Feeling a lil better lately. Not so down. Might be pregnant. Not so happy about that but things will work themselves out. Went back to Waupaca on Sunday. I forgot how beautiful it was there in the summer time. The city is great and all but where are all the stars? Thought I had more to say but now that I'm here I'm drawing a blank. Yay! I get to see an old friend of mine that I havent seen for ten years. Its gonna be strange. I remeber spending countless days and nights with her. Well I better get off to bed. Big day tomorrow, get to apply for state benefits. I'm nervous and embarrassed. But when you need help I guess you need help.

Everytime I look around
I see their leering faces
Their pointing fingers
And accusing looks
Everytime I listen
I hear their stiffled giggles
And the whispering behind their hands
Eyes shining and dancing
When they look my way
I get pushed and shoved around
Never in one place for more then a moment
Everytime I think "Maybe today someone will notice,"
My cries of anger
My tears of pain
I laugh, "Yeah, right"
The blood falls red
I see you standing there
Eyes wide with surprise
I wonder what you are thinking
As this is going on .....

A sea of nothingness surrounds me
As I leave me earthly bindings
My tears fall into the drain beside me
And the colours swirll around
How could I have known
That it could be like this
A thousand tiny needles peirce my body
And it feels so nice
The voices around me violate my thoughts
When I'm all alone-
Soon it will all end
Reality will slowly creep back in ....

Love is so difficult. To bad we werent all mind readers, then we wouldnt have to say the things were afraid to.