Ok, so this is me a bit tipsy and a bit upset. Here we go... haha right. I dont even know what to think right now. Maybe this is the wrong time to be thinking. Infact I'm sure this is the wrong time to be thinking. Or writting. Oh well, I guess it dont matter. Fucking Wednesday. All the weirdo's come out today. All the problems of the week usually happen today too. I was so fuckimg excited about it being thursday because I'd get to see Josh, but now I dont know. Maybe its just the jager talking. Or maybe the captain. Maybe I could learn to spell. I kinda feel like maybe I'm wasting my time. Maybe all along I havent been spending it wisely enough. What to think.... You know whats funny about it all, I havent even talked to any of my friends about what has been going on but I give Josh this damn website. Maybe I've said too much on here. It's like when someone really gets to know me they bail. I'm so afraid of that happening again. Haha maybe maybe maybe. All these maybes are driving me fucking nuts. Maybe I shouldnt have gotten out of bed today. I cant even think straight right now. You know when you thought you trusted someone and that trust was broken.... haha again with the maybes, I guess there was no trust all along. I'm not sure I'm ready to have my heart broken again. I'm fallen for him hard and I dont know why. The last thing I want is getting my kids hearts involved again. I should stop typing now before I say something dumb.

My tears are falling down like rain
As I try to mend the pain
Though only a little while
Being with you seemed much longer
I long for the taste of your lips
The slightest touch of your finger tips
The others all gawked and stare
All along you were the only one there
Now that were apart I feel a little lost
I guess what this kinda love costs

Hi hi. I have the biggest headache. And my computer is being all tarded agian. I'm so not in the mood to deal with tech support. Other then that my day is going ok. But anyways Yay! One more day. Its like chirstmas all over again. Ok. Maybe not quite like christmas....but close enough. Work was ok last night. For like two hours we got hella busy. All the costumers were cool bout it though. I'm running food out to a table and it was a huge order so I'm running back and forth like a couple times and I have a lady at a differnt table ask me to bring someone a plate of shit. It caught me of gard and I ran right into the dishwasher dude. Haha it was so funny. I managed to save the food in my hands though. I got hella teased about working there again. I told them that I missed them so much that I had to come back and see them. I think I managed to do it with a straight face twice. :) Atleast i dont normally have to deal with drunk people. I had one lady come in and order a just beer. It was kinda weird. Dont they have bars for them kinds of things?

Now fading into the black sparkle night
Each eye slowly closing
Letting myself dissapear into oblivion
It is there I can find myself
Unwind myself
Let the chaos in my mind out
Fendishly I pick at the wounds on my arms
I watch the drops of blood fall
For a little while I'm amused
Slightly delighted
But they soon remind me of tears
The many tears I've cried
And i start to think about you
I wonder where it all went wrong
Where did i let myself go.....

She taught me how to fly
Then she took my wings
A tear of blood falls
For all the sadness that she sings
I've drown myself in sorrow before
I never thought this time I'd hit the floor
I still cry after every slice i make
I change my emotions, its easy to fake
I said I'd love you to the end
But I still cry after every kiss i send
You push me away
I come back only to pay
Goodbye my dear
You I no longer fear .....

So thats what it feels like to get more then five hours of sleep. I didnt wanna get out of bed today. Though I had the weirdest dreams. Is it Thursday yet? No? Damn. Wish it was.

I close my eyes and grip my head
I remember each and every word you said
Cold, distant, meaningless
Kiss me, kiss me my sweet
Leave me, leave me to weep
A thousand would be nice
Please a million more
Hold me, love me, hide me, then leave me
How can love be so good
And so feel so right but so wrong
Never regret, I wont forget
I love you to the moon and back
Cry cry my sweet
Leave me, leave me to weep
I grip my head and close my eyes
Scream, scream my sweet .....

So actually this poem is titled but it felt so wrong typing it in the little message title box. Dont ask, I dont know. I started typing it and had a flash of memories go spinning through my head. All so bitter-sweet. When I was a freshman in school I swore up and down that I would never look back at those days being the best days of my life. But you know they kinda were, as messed up as they often were. But, Yay! My computer decided to work. I didnt even have to call tech support and argue with the stupid guy that didnt know what he was talking about. I should go to bed now, I'm so worn out. I ended up helping the other waitress that was working tonight and did most her work while she stood around. I had to do my work on top of it all. But I guess for being in the kitchen tonight I made good tips. :) But anyways, its been swell but the swellings gone down. C-ya!