Just thought I'd swing by and say hi. My computer is being tarded and wont work right. I dont whats wrong with the damn thing. I drank way to much last night for waking up at seven. Atleast I remember all of it. We had our first game last night and lost.... and because were from wi we celebrated. It was fun. I gotta work today and my leg is hella sore again today. but atleast its looking better. I ended up buying burn patches for it. They cost an arm and a leg but they do help. Otherwise nothing interesting is going on. Oh, haha, almost forgot I tried playing pool last night. The guy that I was playing with felt so bad for me that he'd try to make my balls in when I wasnt looking. I think i made one and the next thing I remember is looking at the pool table in time to see him win and i only had one ball on the table. Although I'm sure it was funny as all hell to watch me play. The other day when I was playing against mom she made me break. The problem is that I cant. I managed to not hit a single ball and make the white ball into a pocket. It was so funny and I think half the bar seen me do it. Thats ok. If you cant laugh at yourself who can you laugh at. Gotta get to work. Bore you all some other time.

The blood rushes to my head
And the anger pushes through my veins
The memories come flooding back
I close my eyes and start to spin
My mouth opens to scream
But only silance comes out
My thoughts turn black and white
And the cuts start getting deeper
I can feel the puddle of blood grow bigger
And a feeling of comfort over takes me
The sadness comes in waves
I start to laugh out loud
As I dig my nails into my face .....

It looks so beautiful outside. I should be fishing or something but no I get to sit inside in pain because of this stupid burn on my leg. Curse my own stupidity. I'm so tired. I think I managed to get all of three hours of sleep between last night and this morning. I'm so bored. I got to see Josh last night which was awesome. Though not near long enough. And considering that my leg was killing me. So he brings up the whole distance thing which really sucks. Distance so doesnt help relationships. I was engaged to a guy and we lived like two hours apart. Needless to say it didnt work. He was controlling anyways and considering none of my friends liked him it was bound to end anyways. It got me thinking though. I so dont wanna have to go through that again. Not fun. I like I've mentioned a thousand times before I really like him and would like to see things work. I just gotta stop thinking about negitive things. :) So I'm debating on getting my kids another pool. We've got the hot tub that they loved to play in last year. And they played more with the sprinkler under the trampoline. The pool really didnt get played with. Idk.

Where were you when I started to scream
Where were you when I started to cry
How can I forget the pain
How can I cover the scars
Where were you when I broke my promise
Where were you when the blood fell red
I wanted you
Thought I needed you
When I close my eyes I can see your face
In the whispers of the night I can hear your voice
And in the rain I can taste your lips
It still hurts
And I still cry
And scream
And bleed
I hated you
When I thought I loved you .....

My ex showed up at the bar last night. I ended up getting drunk enough to sing Foolish Games from Jewel. Yay and I did good. Haha right. I was only good because everyone was drunk and thought it sounded good. Lets see, nothing to interesting happened. He came over and we talked for a minute. I think I was kinda mean to him, opps, oh well. He wrote in his myspace blog that I was a horrible person and that all the problems we had were my fault. I remember telling him the only reason that he wrote that was because he was looking for sympathy. It just pissed me off because he was the one who decided that he needed space to think about things. We were only together for like two months, I dont know what he needed to think about either we were together or we werent. Its that simple. I told him that I wasnt going to wait. The whole time we were together the only thing he did was worry that he was going to make me mad or something. He was never just himself. The relationship was never going to last that way anyways. Blah blah blah. Anyways yesterday at work went well. I liked being back and the customers we happy to see me. My boss stuck me out on the floor by myself for the whole place. I got my ass kicked. Every time I got caught up more people filed in. Damn those people who need to eat. :) I remember worse nights then that. I forgot how much I liked to waitress. Its actually fun and I made good money with it. I gotta go in for a couple hours on friday and I think on Saturday also for a couple hours. So....yeah.... I think I ran out if things to say, well for now atleast.

So jelous am I
Of things that dont exsist
So hurt am I
From thoughts only I think
So comforting are your words
If only I could believe them
So afraid of what might happen
If you decide to leave
So deep are the cuts
That I leave in my flesh
So painful is the look in your eyes
When you see all the wounds
So sorry I am
But I cant seem to stop
So sorry I am .....

Hi, hi. I'm so tired today. I cant seem to get myself together. I work at four. Yay! I start waitressing today. I'm excited. Although I have to take the whole place myself. It's been two years since I've done that. This should be interesting. Oh well I'm a good waitress so I'm not worried. It's gonna suck running my ass off with the burn on my leg though. I gotta work friday though. That kinda sucks. I guess I shouldnt complain bout it. I so wanna call Josh but I dont wanna bother him. I'm sad, I know. I cant help it though. He called me yesterday because he was using the envelope the I brought him and it made him think about me. Awwww. I thought it was cute. Anyways.... My kids are doing great. Naughty and fighting. In otherwords healthy and full of energy. So its all good. I should probably lay down a lil before work. To the bat cave!!!!

The breeze is blowing
Whispering to me
Sharing her secrets
Her breath is the Springtime air
Glently pushing by-
Her voice is the song of a Bluejay
And her song is the sound of the river
Her gown made of her own creations
The trees, the grass
The flowers-
Greens, blues, reds and yellows
She brushes my cheek
As she peacefully glides by
I know
I am
Home .....

Hello hello! So get this I managed to burn the hell out of my leg. Its wonderful. I guess I bumped my heating pad in the night and it got turned to high and it burned me. It's very painful. Anyways on a good note I got to see Josh a couple times this weekend. He smuggled me into his house. I even spent the night twice. I really really like him. Knowing me I'll end up doing something stupid and fucking it up. Its usually the guys that I really like that I fuck it up with. I think that I dont deserve someone that treats me right. Or atleast thats what people tell me. I guess in a sense there right and I'm working on that. Because my kids deserve it. Did I mention that I really like him. I so didnt want to get out his bed Sunday morning. I was so comfortable. He did try his hardest to keep me there for as long as possible. He did a good job for awhile. A good three hours. But like I mentioned I didnt want to go either. He's so comfortable and we have so much in common. He's sarcastic like I am, which is a way good thing. He's very easy to talk to and he listens. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he really likes me also. And I really like his hands. Tee hee hee heh heh yeah.... But seriously I am for some odd reason attracted to guys hands and I do like his. Haha and the asshole has been laughing at my leg all day. But I'm on the phone with him now so I'm outta here!