Frustrated
So afraid to let myself go
I'm so afraid of you
So afraid of myself
Painful endings
Thats whats going to happen
Away from you
Thats where I need to be
Close to you
I open my eyes
Letting reality sink in
Painful endings
I should walk away
Before it goes to far
Its already
So afraid to let it go
I'm most afraid of myself .....

Went out last night... of course, and Billy was there. He didnt say not more then two words to me and for some reason it really hurt. Not that I wanted to take him home this time or anything but it still made me feel like shit. I dont feel so bad about it today, I guess some of the reason it upset me so much was because of the alcohol. I dont know about myself sometimes. I did have an all and all good time last night. I've been hanging out with a whole differnt group of people which is cool. Although I might have a slight problem with one of there brothers. She told me that he really liked me and thats the last thing that I need right now. Hes a great guy but so not my type. Yay I got to talk to... you know I cant keep just calling him the other guy, I'm not feeling all that creative so his name is Josh. Anyways, I got to talk to Josh already today and I get to talk to him later. Haha I stayed up all night til I got my kid off to school so I wouldnt sleep through my alarm, I replyed to one of his myspace messages while I still tipsy. I told him that I really liked him and couldn't wait to see him again. Then I relized that I was pretty drunk and probably shouldn't type anymore. But he did write back that he felt the same way. Which is awesome.

Listen to me-
Hear my screams
Close your eyes and envision the pain
Come to me-
Take my hand
And cry with me
Run with me-
Away from here
And in my dreams in the night
Dance with me
In the feilds in my head
Sing with me
Stay with me-
For just a little longer
Fly with me-

Good morning everyone. What A long night, a good but long night. I ended up talking on the phone for like three hours last night to the new guy. I really really wanna see him. I was in Appleton and only like three blocks from his house. But because he is still on house arrest for two more weeks I couldnt. He told me a little more about what happened when he got into trouble. Nothing I can hold against him. I love hearing the sound of his voice. :)

Ever want to be caught inside a moment
Where you can pause and consume it all in
Where time no longer exsists
And everything is calm-
I can hear your heart beat-
I'd like to be caught inside a moment
Lying here with you
All warm and soft and safe
Safe from everyone
Safe from everything
If ever caught in a moment
Would you notice
The sound of my heart beating ....

Hey everyone. What a long day its been. I've been thinking alot about this guy. I'm really starting to like him. He's so sweet and he's funny. We have alot in common. We talked for another hour last night. Itr would have been longer if my phone wasnt dying. Damn phone. Atleast I'm sure about my feelings about Billy now. It's not worth to mess around with him anymore. Its never going to amount to anything and if things go good with this other guy I dont want to fuck it up. I cant stop thinking about him. I've been yelling at my phone everytime it rings because its not him. I'm hopeless.

We call her the Ice Queen, so cold so vain
But step a little closer and you might feel her pain
When she walks by she fills you with fear
But step a little closer and you might see a single tear
You may think she likes to hurt you
Step a little closer and you will see she is hurt too
You say you love her
She loves you too
We call her the Ice Queen, so cold so vain
But step a little closer
Take a better look
Listen a little harder
And you might feel her pain ....

What an interesting night. He he so I joined a local bar's softball team. You should see it, it was grusome. I shouldnt be playing. It was kinda fun though. Well interesting to say the least. i'm hella sore today but I dont think that was just because of playing. Soooo... anyway this bullshit with Billy. I dont know what to do about it. I've been recently talking to an old friend and I'm kinda falling for him. Hard. The sad thing is that I havent even gotten to see him yet and it will be another two weeks before I'm able to. He's hella funny though. Thats a bonus. He has job, two houses, cars, boats.... not that I need all that but it adds points. We used to be friends through a friend so we never really got to know each other and it turns out we have a lot in common. He writes, which is cool all by it self. Well gotta go!

Why cant i make one little cut
One little wound
To show I'm still alive
Why do I cry when I dont really care
Why do I try when theres reall nothing there
Day after day why do I stay
When all you do is push me away
Close my eyes
Breathe in
Now out
Stay calm
My heart is pounding
And my blood is rushing .....